Thursday, May 31, 2012
She loved little girls. If a kid was out and I put them on her back, she would walk so slowly and carefully, as if on egg shells. Once while I was riding her, she took a bad step and went down on her two front knees. Any other horse I know would have rolled over and gotten back up. But I could feel all the muscles in her body moving and convulsing as she balanced herself and regained her footing. With me on her back, she got up very carefully. She knew I was up there and she took care of me. Had it been the horse I have now, I know I would have gotten a broken leg out of the deal.
The day she passed was one of the saddest I've been through. It was peaceful though and almost touching in a way. I came home for lunch and she was down and couldn't get up. I knew it was time. I just knew. I called the vet who was very busy, but came out on his lunch hour to put her down. (Note: always take good care of your vet and make them cookies for Christmas) We had about an hour to say our goodbyes before he got there. I laid next to her in the hay an stroked her neck and calmed her down. It is an hour I will never forget, my head resting on her neck the whole time. The vet arrived and she went without a fuss or a fight, with me by her side. Thankfully, I was able to call a friend who came out with his skid loader and buried her at my farm that night. (Note: always take good care of your friends with skid loaders)
A month or so after she passed, I put a halter on my other quarter horse who was very close to her. We walked down to her grave. He stood there, took a big sniff, and let out one loud, heartbreaking whinney. Normally a somewhat fidgety horse who doesn't like to stand still, he stood there by my side for quite some time, both of us in complete silence, heads hung low.
It hurt for so long, every time I would think of her I would cry. I always knew it would be tough, but had no idea how tough until it happened. It has been over a year now. I am finally getting to the point where I can think of her and smile. I remember the good times and am thankful for them. So thankful to have had a horse like her in my life. So thankful I was there for her when her time came. I think she was a once in a lifetime horse for me. She taught me so much. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.
When animal lovers lose an animal, they grieve. I suppose people who don't have a place in their hearts for animals find this silly. But I understand. And others do too. When you lose a dog, a horse, any animal that you love, it can be like losing a family member to people like us. So don't feel bad for feeling sad. Don't feel silly. Go ahead and cry. Go ahead and grieve. And when you're ready, think back on all those happy memories and be glad for the time you had together.
RIP Cutter, I hope to someday see you again dear friend.