Friday, July 27, 2012

Time to say goodbye...

The sorrel horse pictured above is my old mare Cutter, who passed away about a year and a half ago.  The Buckskin is my gelding, Hollywood.  I'll try to make this story as short as I can. 

Cutter was my first full sized horse.  My best friend and my constant companion.  I miss her every day.  I had gotten her at age 25 from some people I know who were moving to town and needed to find a good home for her.  She was the last horse they had, the others had been sold and it seemed no one wanted sweet ol Cutter due to her age.  So she became mine. 

Fast forward a couple years, I had Cutter and another full sized mare.  They were very close.  Long story short, the other mare had to go and went to another home.  Poor Cutter went into a full fledged depression.  She missed her buddy so much it was sad to see.  She quit eating, started losing weight, and just stood there with her head hung low for several months.  At her age I knew I had to do something.  We were coming into winter and I knew she needed every pound of fat she had on her to make it through.  So I started looking for a companion for her.  A friend referred me to a gal about an hour away who had an old buckskin gelding.  I went up to see him.  I fell in love, much the same way I did with Cutter the first time I saw her.  $300 later, he was mine. 

Now here is the part that will give you goosebumps.  As it turns out, this buckskin (Hollywood) had lived with Cutter for nearly 20 years.  They were the husband and wife's trail riding team for many years.  Remember how all their other horses had been sold when I got Cutter?  He was one of them.  They hadn't seen each other in 4 years.  We put him in the trailer and brought him home.  He got out of the trailer and let out a big whinney.  Cutter heard him and came running to greet him.  I hadn't seen her ears perk up like that, her eyes so bright, her trot so enthusiastic since the day that other mare left.  She was truly reborn again.  You could almost see all her muscles relax when she saw her old buddy.  Everything about her changed back to the horse I remembered.  For the next few years, you never saw one without the other.  You could tie a three foot rope between the two of them and it wouldn't have bothered them a bit.  It was almost like, "I lost you once, and I'm never letting you out of my sight again!" 

During those years they spent together, nothing made me happier than seeing them together munching grass, scratching each other's withers, dozing off in the sun together.  I often would look at them and think, "I want that kind of relationship.  That easy going, I'll scratch your back, you scratch mine, I love you forever" kinda thing that they had going.  He stood by Cutter's side till the day she passed.  He took it just as hard as I did, and we both helped each other through it.  (anyone who rolls their eyes at this, has never experienced all the emotions that horses have)

And now, a year and a half after Cutter passed, it is Hollywood's time.  He is 30 and it is showing.  I can't keep weight on him and that spark is gone from his eyes.  I knew this would be his last summer, that he wouldn't make it through another winter.  But sadly, his condition is just getting worse.  I know my horse.  And I know it's time.  So a big thank you to Hollywood for the years of wonderful service, for keeping sweet old Cutter company, and for being there for me.  You filled your role well old buddy.  I don't know what happens to horses when they die, but I sure hope you two are together again in some way.  I hope Cutter is waiting for you when you cross over that bridge. 

It'll be a tough day, for sure.  The vet appointment has been made, the skid loader lined up, a friend called in to hold my hand when the vet shows up.  He will be laid to rest beside his best friend.  Between now and then, it'll be nothing but bucket after bucket of his favorite food.  Lots of brushing down and pampering.  Probably lots of crying.  I know it's the right thing to do, but boy oh boy is it hard to say goodbye.  It's a part of farm life I never get used to.  But all the pain I feel is because of the love I have for them, and I wouldn't trade that love for anything in the world. 

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Oh Billie...

There is a whole lot of mutual love going on in this photo!  A neighbor and her son came out last night to see the horses.  It was a fun visit.  It was the first time I've had Billie around a little kid.  My old mare Cutter (Billie's relation) was always a gem around kids.  So gentle and kind and she just loved them.  I guess it should be no surprise that Billie is the same way.  She stood there so nice and still while getting petted, didn't get pushy or fidgety.  You could see her just soaking in the attention.  It made me tear up a little, because she acted just exactly like Cutter would have. 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Someday I will have....

A set of Wusthof knives that will last me the rest of my life

A commercial convection oven

A horse I can just hop on and ride, with no lunging or fear of getting bucked off

A man who loves and respects me and visa versa

A wrap around screened in porch where I can sit and drink fancy cocktails and watch thunderstorms roll in

A house that is paid for

A nice barn for my horses with automatic waterers, fans, and fresh cedar chips lining the floors at all times

A Vitamix blender

A nice big farm dog that never runs off and chases cattle

A gleaming, bright white painted wooden fence that lines my acreage

A job I enjoy

Financial freedom

And finally....the time to enjoy all these things!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I'm doing it!!

Catering is going really really well!  I am so happy about this! Its great to find something that you love to do and get paid to do it at the same time.  So far it's been all successes, and the calls are coming in!  This is really taking off faster than I thought it would to be honest.  I'll probably never make a full time living doing catering (not around here anyway), but its sure a nice side job to have. 

Also,  I am going to start selling Premier Designs Jewelry beginning in August.  This is something I never pictured myself doing, but I am very excited about it!  Premier is a great company with great jewelry and I can't wait to get started.  So, counting my unpaid job as a semi-farmer, that makes four jobs total.   Whew!  I plan to schedule about 20 minutes of down time in mid November, other than that, I will be a busy busy gal!  No complaints though. 

Maybe if all goes well, I could afford the swanky luxuries of life someday.  Like satellite TV and driving a car that was built in the last decade.  Maybe even (gasp!) an iPAD or internet service at home!  Oh a girl can dream....

Monday, July 16, 2012

Ghosts of relationships past....

I ran into an ex while out with some friends this weekend.  It's amazing sometimes, though years can pass, how seeing someone from your past transports you to a different time and place.  Memories come back, both good and bad.  It's almost scary...thinking of the person I was then.  The lies I fell for.  The crap I put up with.  The support I gave to someone who needed me, and the memory of the pain that came when it all came tumbling down.  But I also remember the happy times, the ones I miss.  I think there are certain people who you never really get over.  You may not think of them everyday anymore.  But you realize they have, for better or worse, shaped your life in a way that will never go away.  You will never be the same person you were before you met them.  I loved this guy.  A lot.  Sadly, I will never be the trusting person I was before I met him.  I don't think I'll ever blindly trust someone like that again.  I'm not saying I'll never get over it, but it sure made me a more skeptical person. 

I have known guys who have hurt me worse than him, but at least they were honest about it.  At least they communicated.  At least they said, "sorry" when they really messed up.  They acknowledged it, and that makes all the differences. 

I can forgive people.  Its totally within my power to do so.  But it's really hard to forgive someone who never asked for it.  Never really apologized or acknowledged their wrongdoings.  So remember that next time you have to break someone's heart.  It's not fun.  Its going to suck.  But there's a right and a wrong way to go about it.  Go with the right way.  No need to damage that person more than needed.  Be honest.  Be straightforward.  Apologize for the things you did wrong and thank them for the good times.  When someone gives you their heart, take care of it, even if you have to return it in the end. 

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Overheard at the bar

Some advice I gave to my friend Arin (who is 24) at the bar.  Apparently the bartenders overheard me and thought this was very hilarious.  "I know what it's like Arin.  You're in your twenties.  You think you have forever to find someone.  Well, if you find someone you like, take hold and do something about it!  Or next thing you know, you'll wake up, be 32 and broken, have crows feet, and a shit ton of cats."

Friday, July 6, 2012

Now it feels official!

With the addition of real business cards and the purchase of my very first chef's jacket, it seems very official.  I AM A CATERER!! 

Thursday, July 5, 2012

It's been a nice summer....

So I haven't been dating anyone this summer.  I'm kind of taking a break from the whole thing.  I'd be lying if I said I never get lonely.  I'd take a good guy over no guy any day of the week.  That said, its been nice to not deal with any guy drama.  Really really nice.  There is something to be said for being able to take the time to make YOURSELF happy, rather than wasting your energy on someone who doesn't give you much in return.  Two summers ago, I was in the middle of guy drama central.  I had hardly any fun, didn't spend enough time with my animals, and was constantly unhappy.  Such a contrast to this summer which has been filled with girlfriends, bonfires, boat rides, good food, and lots of laughter!  Keep it coming, summer.  I'm loving every minute of it!!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Awesome weekend!!

Brandy, Nicole and I boating our lil buns off!  And we finished off the weekend by seeing Magic Mike.  Good movie, but the best part was watching the two little old ladies walk out halfway through.  LOL